Darkest Fear
by ibelieveinguardianangels
Summary: After a particularly brutal battle, Alexander is worried when he cannot find Hephaistion. When he does, it descends into a heart-to-heart between the two males and Hephaistion's worries are finally revealed.


**Author's Note: I'm sorry I've taken so long to write something. **

**I was originally bayntonette97 but thought I should change my name so I am now ibelieveinguardianangels. **

**I will be continuing Strike. **

**I also have other ideas that just need finishing and should be posted soon.**

"Where is he? By the Gods, I ask once more, where is he?!"

Blood darkened the young King's face as he thrust his way through the chilling tent of injured soldiers, glancing towards each bed and the makeshift stretchers on the floor as he passed, dodging blood coated, dirty yellow blankets and sobbing soldiers. His heart was focused on finding just one person. His fluffy blonde hair, tinted read and weighed down by the blood of his enemies was struggling to keep up with him as he scurried, his mouth slightly open, revealing his teeth, coated with a layer of his enemies blood. Stepping forward, he clutched the collar of a young aid, ignoring the quivering of the boy before him as he lifted him from the ground, holding him to his face and growling the question once again; the terror in the boy's eyes as he stuttered his knowledge of his whereabouts.

"For the love of all I hold sacred," Hissed the King, roughly dropping the aid to the floor and swiftly turning on his heel. He marched towards the exit of the tent, anger evident in his beautiful brown orbs as he pushed his way passed Parmenion, oblivious to the eyes that locked themselves onto his thin, retreating frame. Setting off quickly, he almost broke into a sprint as he headed towards his beloved's personal tent for he knew that the man inside would not be following doctor's orders to rest.

"Hephaistion," Breathed the man as he entered the tent, seeing the young male hunched over the desk, his head resting on his arms, his beautiful eyes hidden behind their lids; a scroll squashed under his tanned arm, a stylus hanging limply in his right hand, "Hephaistion," He repeated, approaching the older male; placing his left hand, gently, on the shoulder he could reach before watching him stir, his head slowly moving from the crook of his elbow; a groan escaped his throat as he looked up, his blue eyes connecting with those of the man in front of him.

"My King, I-," He shot from the chair in a rush, attempting to ignore the stabbing pain that shot through his abdomen, an after effect of the arrow that had pierced the usually soft skin, his stuttered explanation was cut short as he was enveloped in a warm embrace, strong, yet slim, arms encircling his frame; his head immediately rested in the comforting crook of his beloved's neck, the warm skin helping soothe his pounding heart. He knew he would not sleep well that night.

"'Phai," The King spoke, his voice quiet, his accent radiating through the air, "No clue, you have no clue to just how worried I was. I could not find you; not once Macedonian knew of your whereabouts. Not until I asked," He paused, clicking his pink tongue absentmindedly as he thought, breaking his silence by continuing, "In fact, I know not his name. But you are safe," He assured Hephaistion suddenly, "That is all that is important." He squeezed the older male a little tighter.

"I am so sorry," Hephaistion whimpered, his beautiful brown tresses tickling the young male's face as he shook his head slightly, "Never did I want to scare you," He could feel the tears pooling and let out a shuddering sigh. He was so happy to be in his King's caring, protective arms once more.

"Phai, no, please," Begged the young male, his hand resting on his beloved's back, just millimetres above a large, painful injury, "Do not apologise. You have nothing to apologise for." He assured him, "Beloved," He spoke, pulling back from the hug and resting his hands on the blue-eyed man's upper arms, looking straight into his sad, tired, watery blue orbs," You have orders to rest and, as your King, I want you to follow those orders."

Hephaistion dropped his gaze, not daring to look his King in the eye, fiddling with the stylus which was now resting on the desk, having been dropped when the man had awoken; rolling around as the man fingered it gently, "Xander, I cannot," He sighed, deflated, "Much work is still left to do and it must be completed by tomorrow dawn," The elder man sighed, "Those were your orders and I plan to fulfil them. I have let you down enough this past week and I wish to do so no more." He risked a glance to see the King's reaction to his words. The anger he was expecting did not come.

"Let me down?" King Alexander question, disbelief painting his already blood red cheeks as his brown eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "Just how have you let me now, my love?" Alexander questioned, reaching up and placing his hand on Hephaistion's cheek, "Pray tell. You have been nothing but productive, nothing but efficient," He assured him, "You have been, as always, a most outstanding general," He paused, brushing a hair from Hephaistion's cheek, "A most wonderful partner." The King's voice was reassuring as he tucked his thumb under the older man's chin, raising his head so he could look in his eyes.

"But it is not enough, Alexander, to be outstanding and wonderful," Hephaistion sighed, pulling his head back and rubbing childishly at his watery eyes, "I must be better." He decided, "I must fulfil my potential. I must show you, truly, what I am made of, must I not?" He questioned, not giving Alexander chance to answer before he started speaking again, "You are so strong, so brave; I am but a lumbering Athenian who knows how to produce impractical drawings on a piece of parchment." He stepped back, away from the King as he comforting touch, "You know how to lead an army across disastrous terrain and through snake-filled jungles and forests; you know how to fight, Alexander, and how to WIN!"

"Impractical, Hephaistion," Alexander chuckled under his breath, disbelief evident in his voice as his spoke, "Impractical. These drawing are what allow us to cross said terrain and survive snake-filled jungles and forests. It is this very work," He pointed to the numerous piled up parchments sitting on the desk, "That shows me where I am going, these maps, these plans so well-laid guide me on the most treacherous journeys and show me how to survive them," Alexander closed the gap Hephaistion had made, "'Phai, you are so much more than you feel."

"I feel of very little importance, Alexander," Hephaistion admitted sadly, dropping heavily onto the seat he had hurriedly vacated, he hid his head in his hands, fiddling, unconsciously, with his brown tresses, "Almost as little as those who attempted to poison you in Persia." His voice held a tint of depression as he spoke to his King, fighting back tears.

"Hephaistion," Alexander's voice was firm as he dropped to his knees before him, pulling his hands from his face so that he could see his beloved's beautiful, yet watery, blue eyes, "Do not associate yourself with those awful people, those sad excuses for human beings," His voice was loving, a warm tint to it as he continued, "You are worth so, so much more than that, beloved." He assured him, reaching out to embrace him.

"Alexander," Sighed Hephaistion, rubbing at a stray tear as it rolled down his tanned, albeit rather bruised, cheek, "Morbid thoughts and feeling have been haunting me for an age," He admitted, "Since Gaugamela. I was too frightened to dare mention it to you."

"Frightened of what, beloved?" Alexander gently removed his hand right hand from Hephaistion's trembling, weak grip and ran it, swiftly, across his forehead, blood transferring from the wound on his head to his forearm, his left hand remaining resting on his beloved's shoulder.

"Frightened," He sighed, "Frightened that you would view me as weak," Hephaistion admitted, "Alexander, you are injured;" He noted suddenly, "Please, let me tend to you."

"Hephaistion, no," Alexander shook his head almost before the words had left Hephaistion's lips, his blood-stained hair flying from side to side, "You are upset. Not only that, you are injured."

"Alexander," Hephaistion begged, "It will take merely moments to clean you up and tend to your injuries. Please, allow me this." He looked into the King's eyes, "It will help distract me. Please, my Achilles."

"Very well, my Patroclus," Alexander gave in, "But only as I want you to feel better," Alexander rose from his crouched position, making his way over to Hephaistion's bed; he stopped momentarily, watching as his beloved painfully pulled himself to his feet with a groan. Quickly, the King stripped of his battle chiton, revealing the extent of his battle injuries to the older, blue eyed male. Those beautiful blue eyes widened as his brown eyes beloved stood bare before him, bloodied and bruised from the brutal battle. A hand reached out, carefully resting his forefinger on a new, fresh bruise at the top of his arm.

"Alexander," Breathed Hephaistion, stunned at the state of his beloved's frame, "Your injuries, they are – why did you not allow anyone to tend to you earlier?"

"I was busy," Alexander quipped quickly, pulling back from the gently touch.

"Busy doing what, Alexander?" Hephaistion questioned, frustrated, "What in Hades could be more important than getting yourself tended to? These injuries are serious Alexander and you should have had them tended to as soon as possible." Hephaistion reprimanded the King, taking his hand and helping him sit on the edge of the bed.

"You, 'Phai," Alexander groaned, the pain flooding his body as he suddenly opened up to the extent of his wounds; "I was busy searching for you." He gasped.

"But why, Xander, why would you be searching for me?" Hephaistion questioned, utterly baffled.

"I knew not where you were, 'Phai and I could not help but fear the worse. None of those I asked knew of your whereabouts, not Cassander, not Cleitus, a number of people I asked, none of those knew of your whereabouts," He explained, "You were my main priority," He winced as Hephaistion gently fingered the injury on his right knee, "I worry about you on occasion."

"Why ever would you do that?" Hephaistion questioned, raising his eyebrows in disbelief as he turned on the spot, hunting for some kind of cloth in order to clean away the blood so he could get a better look at his beloved's injuries in order to be able to treat them.

"You always look so sad," Alexander's voice rose slightly as Hephaistion hobbled out of the room to retrieve some warm water and a wet cloth, "When you think I'm not looking."

"I do not," Hephaistion denied, his voice calm and gentle as he returned to his beloved, perching on the end of the bed and reading up with a slightly shaky hand. He paused for a moment before placing the damp cloth against an injury beside Alexander's eye causing the young male to his as he attempted to wipe away the worse of the caked blood.

"You do, 'Phai;" Alexander argued, his voice remaining gentle and quiet, "You are not even aware you are doing it." Alexander reached up, stilling Hephaistion's hand mid-movement, "You always put people before yourself, 'Phai."

"Lie on your stomach," Hephaistion ordered gently, ignoring the King's worries, "It will be easier to tend to the injuries on your back that way," As he got to work on the in jury in the middle of his back, just left of his spine, Alexander buries his head of tinted hair into the crook of his elbow, letting out a deep sigh as his beloved's fingers worked their magic on the tight muscles in his back as he carefully wiped away the blood, "You need to take a bath, Xander."

Dark eyes raised when cool fingers danced to the throbbing base of his back; he saw his beloved standing, towering over him; he pulled away when he caught sight of the eyes staring up at him; he turned his attention to the King's face, watching as he replaced his head in the crook of his arm, hiding his face in his elbow and letting out a quivering sigh.

"Everything hurts, 'Phai. Please, make it stop." Alexander begged his voice rather childlike.

"I'll try all that I can, Xander, but I cannot promise to take away your pain," Hephaistion, held his hand out, helping his beloved clamber painfully from the bed, "Allow me to fetch some more water, I will clean you of this blood as best I can, please, relax." He retuned rather quickly, seeming to have forgotten about the pain he was feeling moments earlier. It wasn't long before the young King was cleaned of all the blood, even the tint in his hair having gone; the injuries were fixed up. Hephaistion had been kind enough to allow Alexander to borrow some of his clothes, they were a little too big, but he was just happy that Alexander was warm and comfortable, sat on his bed with Hephaistion's maps and plans in his hand. Hephaistion was sitting comfortably beside him, his head of beautiful, brown hair resting on Alexander's uninjured shoulder.

"Might I suggest a change?" Alexander questioned suddenly, moving his eyes slightly so he could look at the older male without disturbing him.

"Of course," Hephaistion nodded, stretching slightly, trying to rid his right leg of the aching pain.

"Instead of pairing myself with Cassander, please, for his sake and mine, pair myself with someone else. If not, we will likely be one man down by the end of the trek." He smiled, handing the parchment over to his friend before carefully pushing the hair from his eyes.

"Of course, Xander," Hephaistion smiled, "Just because I love you."

"And I love you."

**Author's Note: Complete. **

**I apologise for not being on here a lot recently, but I have been busy with course work and such. **

**Please let me know what you think about this. **

**I am open to (Alexander) prompts if any of you have any. **


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